Tag Archives: humble

Crossroads

Have you ever taken a step back and wondered where time has gone? Every year as one closes out and another begins there is always recaps of the years past, how many years ago something took place, and so on… I look back with the thoughts of what have I done?

It’s easy to trace my work history; no secret where I’ve been or what I’ve done with my career. My desk holds numerous years of paper planners, yes you read correctly, paper planners that not only hold my daily schedule but also each family member’s schedule. Coordinating multiple activities, meetings, obligations and commitments takes more than a quick glance of the calendar on my phone.

Today I ponder the question of what have I really done with my life? I’m not talking about the typical things such as college, family or work. I’m looking beyond that part; what is it I’ve really done. Hmmm…. that is the question that’s difficult to answer as I’m not sure if it’s about me and what I’ve always dreamed of doing, or is it about what I’ve done for others before myself.

Some people talk about the beginning of a new year and wanting a fresh start with a different company or even changing careers. Others say they’re going to focus more on themselves – changes to help move a person in the right direction?

I’ve always wanted to be a full time writer, someone who becomes the author everyone clamors to read; however, I’m continually pulled in a different direction. Maybe the fear of failure is too great or it’s easier to put this dream on hold to take care of my family, make sure I’m doing well at work, or commit myself elsewhere so I won’t fail.

Continually I encourage my children to follow their dreams. To put in the effort and time needed to get where they want to be, and yet I hold back without following my own advice. Maybe that’s where I fall, at the crossroads of time past and what’s ahead.

2 Chronicles 15:7 But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.

What frightens you?

Something frightens everyone, yes it’s true even if you’re not willing to admit it. People share their fear of heights, spiders or snakes, but how often will someone share what really holds them back?

As a society we’re taught to not burden others with what really bothers us, what keeps us awake at night, what holds us back. From an early age we’re told to only talk about the good in our life, what greatness He has blessed us with so no one knows what weighs us down; after all, you wouldn’t want people to hear you complain.

So many times I settle in to write and find myself distracted, I’m always thinking of other things that need my attention. At times I ask myself if I’ll find time to finish my novel or write a piece that attracts a publisher’s attention. In turn, I’ll ask myself why I am I so afraid?

The other day as I was running between the numerous weekend activities I found myself writing in my head. I effortlessly pieced together the next chapter of my novel, but yet the ideas that flowed in my mind never made it any further. As always, I told myself that if I had been in front of the computer or had my notebook with me, then I would have penned this fantastic chapter. Was I being truthful with myself?

I’m always wondering what holds me back from writing. My thoughts turned to the first story I wrote, I was a second grader. I wrote about an adventurous turtle complete with my artistic take on how this little turtle looked throughout the story. I tried to remember how the tale formed or if I struggled with this second-grade assignment; the only thing that came to mind was my teacher’s encouragement to continue writing, and so I have.

I’ve written a variety of pieces over the years, each one has benefited so many others. It’s always been easy to stand quietly in the background satisfied with how well my work turned out while others receive unearned accolades. And then I realized… I’m afraid to have this task SUCCEED!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had success at what I do; however, if I would indeed complete my first novel or have a piece picked up by a publisher – LIFE CHANGING! Oh my, a frightening thought indeed.

1 Peter 5:7: Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.